The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the
blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when
threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots raised their threat
level from " @#!*% Off" to "Let's get the @#!*% ." They don't have any
other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line
of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government
announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from
"Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate"
and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that
destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are
on a heightened level of alert: Italy has increased the alert level from
"Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two
more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand,
are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about
is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to
see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed
subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good
look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies 'just in case'.

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

And in the southern hemisphere ...
Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA".
Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of
spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in
the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of
escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".

meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll
be al'right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is
cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final
escalation level. Pasted on 2011-01-07 14:55:24